The Light Connection (a monthly magazine)
North County San Diego, California
June 2000 Amended March 2002

Relating to Alzheimer’s Disease
by Loy Young

         For the last year while co-authoring a book about Alzheimer’s Disease entitled She Never Said Goodbye, I learned a great deal about relating with people who are aging, especially those with Alzheimer’s.  Since this disease affects one out of three families, I thought it important to write about.

Aging
         First though, I’d like to address the of aging itself.  The age 65 actually became the benchmark for being “elderly”  long ago in 1881.  At that time the average life expectancy was 45.  In 1881 Chancellor Otto von Bismarck of Germany, wanting to take care of his nation’s  elderly population, chose the age of 65 as the threshold to old age. He then set up a system for Germany that would really truly care for these old people.

       Other countries throughout the years picked that age as they set up their own systems, partially modeled on the compassionate system set up by Bismark.

       In the U. S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt set up the social security system in 1935 to take care of the elderly, using the same benchmark of 65.  In 1935 however, life expectancy in the U. S. was 63 instead of 45.  To be eligible for old age benefits, you had to live longer than the life expectancy by only two years.

      Now we enter the new millennium, the average life expectancy is 76.  If we used Bismark’s calculations, the threshold for old age now would be 96.  Even using FDR’s formula,  “old age” would be 78.  Our attitudes as a society haven’t changed greatly to reflect the fact that we’re living much longer lives.

     One  of my client's in Washington DC who just turned 65 told me, “I feel like being old is being imposed on me by society.  I had to sign up for Medicare instead of staying with regular insurance and start social security.  “I don’t feel old; I’ve taken quite good care of my body, take supplements, exercise, and have a good attitude. I feel tremendous stress because who I’m supposed to be is not who I feel I am.”

Alzheimer's 
     As far as Alzheimer’s is concerned, 47% of the current population will get this disease by the time they reach 85.  So until the cure, or prevention for Alzheimer’s is found, age 85 is   the benchmark I choose to use for “being old.” Hopefully by the time most of us reach that point, a cure or a means of prevention will have been found.  However, right now, many of our family members, parents or grandparents are beginning to reach this age and are indeed contracting Alzheimer’s.  The following information on relationships with those with Alzheimer’s may make it easier for us to relate to these individuals.

     Do you have memories of when you were a baby or young child?  In my experience as a counselor for over thirty years, most do not have memories of those years - or at most a very few.  Why? I've always wondered.   It wasn’t until I started learning about Alzheimer’s that I discovered the answer.  

    Although we’re very much alive and conscious when we are very young, its quite a while before our mind can take pictures and send them to that part of our brain that stores long-term memories. You could say when we’re babies and young children we’re in the “eternal now.”

    In a sense, the same thing can be said of those with Alzheimer’s Disease (or of those of us who are having what are referred to as “senior moments”)  The connection breaks and the picture of the now that we take in our minds is not sent to long-term memory.  We’re in the eternal now, retaining all of our feelings, but unable to remember what just happened even moments ago.

    For a long, long time though, we can still access what is already in our long-term memory bank, especially those  scenarios that greatly impact us emotionally. If you think erroneously that the phrase, “ I think, therefore I am,” means that people are no more than their minds, this will be a tragic time indeed.

     In fact, a person with Alzheimer’s can enjoy you totally in the moment; they just may not be able to remember your name  or what you did together a moment ago.  People with Alzheimer’s continue to relate through emotions and sounds long after their minds are shut down.  To continue to communicate with such a person, friends and relatives will need to learn to communicate from a feeling place.

    Go through scrapbooks from the past with them and let them tell you the same stories over and over that give them some emotional satisfaction.  As they can’t store what they just said to you in long-term memory, they may well relate the same story over and over, each time with more feeling.  Don't say to them, "quit repeating yourself."

    After awhile, they will get the story confused with other stories as the connection that keeps the memories separate begins to breakdown.  Why? Stories are full of emotions usually, and they will no longer think in time sequence which is how the mind thinks.  They will be pulled to stories that have similar feelings, which causes them to talk about times when they had the same feeling.  For example, let's say the person is looking at the scrapbook and begins to feel sad when they see a picture in the scrapbook. That sad feeling could pull them to a time when they were sad as a child and then  to a time they were sad when they lost a job.  It's the feeling of sadness that is guiding them, and feelings cross all barriers of time that our mind keeps separate.  If you would take the time to learn their language, the language of feelings instead of continuing to  communicating with the language of the mind, you'd be able to communicate with the Alzheimer's person for a much longer time. Now your interactions won’t be from the mind, but they can still be from the  heart.  Their language has shifted to feelings, the language of the heart.  

     People with Alzheimer’s continue to respond to sound also, the language of the body, for a long time, even after they can no longer remember words.  If you’re willing, you can still communicate using the sounds. You can play music of their era when they were in their teens, and sing the words of those songs with them.  When they no longer can say words, hum the music.  You might find them humming with you.

     Dance with them to the music of their era.  If you can't dance, just stand up and move with them. Play patty cake with them or toss big beach balls back and form to them. 

     And don't forget touch.  Hold their hands, touch them.  Hug them. And what about smell.

      Don’t stop trying to relate or forget people with Alzheimer’s. Their spirit is still there, very much alive.  Give them your spirit, your smile, and your love.

              Loy Young